'Waste of a fab opportunity'

Carl Rogers

 

 

My stuff in the Herald Express 16th May 2013 

American Carl Rogers was, in my opinion, an interesting bloke. He was one of the pioneers of modern counselling but his research has a much wider application. A main thrust of his work was the concept of three core principles; genuineness, empathy and unconditional positive regard. To be honest I have been captivated by Carl Rogers and his person centred approach for many years and now run a thirteen week course twice a year very much based upon his research.

We live in complicated and increasingly uncertain times and it seems to me that those three core conditions offer a framework for all of us here in South Devon if we really want to hold our community together. Can we demonstrate genuineness when dealing with each other? Does what we say match what we do? Do we actively listen and respond a genuine way?

Displaying empathy is a little more complicated because we really need to see the world from your neighbour’s point of view! People often confuse empathy with sympathy and they are not the same. How often do we really try and feel the way another might be experiencing something? It is actually hard work but worth the effort.

The big one for me is unconditional positive regard! It would of course be hard to display unconditional positive regard without genuineness and empathy. Just think about those three powerful words. To be unconditional is very hard as you say “It’s all very well but…” To respond in a positive way again is a big thing. Do you engage or simply make the ‘right’ noise! For me the core of community cohesion has to be regard for one another. For without it we are lost.

Engaging with those three core conditions outlined by dear old Carl Rogers will make stereotyping and labelling less likely. It is hard to label someone as “One of those!” if you try and see the world from their position. Of course that is hard to do and yet if a community really engaged that has to happen! One other thing that Mr Rogers used to bang on about is the ‘prizing’ of a person. Prizing is another way of celebrating the uniqueness of an individual. Every one of use is unique and we must never lose sight of that. When we pass each other in the street do we notice the energy of the individual? I often wonder whether we really do. Here’s a little test for you first thing tomorrow morning. Stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at the reflection (seeing a reflection is a good start to any day!). Try and extract a smile from that reflection and carry an amusing grin out into your day to share with those you pass.

Over the Bank Holiday weekend a simple event made so many people smile. That event was the arrival of wall to wall sunshine on the Sunday. We had pirates leaping around in Brixham complete with eye patches and fluffy parrots attached to shoulders. The town was packed with crowds of folk having a good time. Torquay’s seafront also seemed busy with families enjoying the day and the beach suddenly sprouted numerous sandcastles! Meanwhile in Paignton the annual BMAD bike festival brought thousands to the town. All that also brought a smile to my face as I wandered around!

As part of my wandering I dropped in to see how things were going at Paignton’s £4,000,000 Parkfield Youth Centre on the seafront fully excepting to see it heaving. It was closed! How can that happen? Folk who masochistically regularly read my words will know that I am a Parkfield supporter. Sadly anyone walking though the facility will have noticed how unloved the landscape is with muddy tracks, brambles and the old house which has started to look very tatty.

Parkfield really should have been a beating heart on that Sunday with young people and their supporters packing the facility. I did get a response from a councillor who said that the BMX track and skatepark were both open. Hmm. That’s a bit like nipping out to a village pub and sitting in the beer garden only to find the pub is actually closed! A bigger worry was a comment by a local businesswoman who said “Parkfield has turned into an expensive shambles - such a waste of a fab opportunity.”

 

What worries me is that so many people connected to Parkfield are still working very hard to do what Carl Rogers suggests in prizing individuals who need a potentially vibrant facility and safe communal place. It is the demonstration of obvious genuineness, empathy and unconditional positive regard that is a much needed role model for our young folk. It seems that closing on Sunday and Monday is the new pattern which, in my opinion, is not good. That facility needs to be open seven days a week and find an identity that makes it a magnet for the whole area. The number 12 bus route which runs from Brixham to Newton Abbot via Paignton and Torquay stops at the end of the road to Parkfield. How easy is that! Why not drop in and say hello.

 

As I mentioned above I was able to express my concern about Parkfield to a local ward councillor. Your local councillors need to hear from you otherwise nothing is going to change. It’s not about ranting because that doesn’t help at all but is about commenting in a positive way on what is happening in your community. Do you know who your local councillors are? They are all listed on the council websites and in local libraries. Why not drop them a line or give them a call and help them to build a stronger community by engaging with you!

 

Keep the smile!